LOVE

Love is a strange thing. There are people that say "I love you" to everyone they talk to. That makes me wonder how do the people they are talking to know the difference between a passing word and them really meaning it with their heart. I had a dear friend that died a few years ago that I had known since I was six (over fifty years), he was like a father to me. He never said he loved me till just three or four years before he died. Did I wonder if he did? Not really. He showed he cared in many different ways. When he told me it was an affirmation of the actions he showed all those years. To me those are heart words. If they are spoken without any action they are just empty words. I don't mean we will always treat the people me love the best, we are only human and will mess up from times to time. God has spoken His love for us from the beginning. He also took a giant step in showing His love to us by sending His son. What an awesome gift of love. Jesus gave His life as a showing of His love as well. God doesn't speak His words in idleness. He shows it in many ways. What He does want is for us to love as He loves. I must ask myself do I love like He loves. I must say not always. But I will keep trying. I think that is the whole key to life is to keep trying to live as God has laid out for us. The words I want you to take away from this is "Love as God loves."

Let Go Of Life's Hurts

When someone hurts me it is sometimes hard to let it go. No one wants to be hurt but it happens to everyone. There are times I hold onto it like it's a good friend. I also know that is not what I should be doing because it keeps eating away at me. I am the only one suffering from such action, the other person has moved on with their life. I need to just let it go. Wow how easy does that sound? I don't always find it that easy. The best thing is to talk to the person and get things settled. When that is not possible, the next best thing for me is to write (go figure). Writing puts things out there where I can see and evaluate them. It might not even be as bad as I thought. The key is to get it released and move on. When I release the hurt I feel lighter inside. I am less grumpy. I even smile easier. What a relief it is to throw the hurt aside and get all with life. How do you deal with hurt? You need to find a release that works for you, then do it. Don't allow the chains of hurt to keep you weighed down, brake them and throw them away. Get your smile back.

Forgive how many times?

"Peter came to Jesus and asked, 'Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?' Jesus answered, 'I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.'" This was the verse on our devotional at work today. I really don't think Jesus was saying to keep a notebook of people that you have forgiven, then on number seventy-seven draw the line and throw them away. I think He is really saying to keep forgiving as He does. I am glad He does not keep count of how many times He forgives. I am afraid I might have reached my seventy-seven times a number of years ago. I know it is not always easy to forgive but it is necessary. Holding onto situations and thinking about it only keeps you worked up the other person most likely has moved on to something else. We all make mistakes, we are human. I guess we should ask ourselves "When I make a mistake do I want to be forgiven?" If the answer is yes, then we should extend that grace to others. Jesus help us to forgive like You.  Have a great day forgiving.

FROM WORTHLESS TO GREAT VALUE

    There is a place called Worthless. I know it exist because I have been there. Matter of fact I have unpacked my suitcase and stayed there a while. I did not find it to be a very cheerful place. I did find it hard to get out of once I was unpacked. I stayed for a very long time. It must have been some kind of valley. I could hear people screaming at me from two sides. On the left side I heard people saying words that repeated my worthlessness. All of which I knew all too well. I even held them close and took them as my own. For the longest time I could not even hear what was being said from the right side. I could see the people but they were not screaming. While walking in this valley I called home I stumbled into a citizen that said she was leaving. I was shocked I didn't know that was possible. She said to listen to those talking on the right side, the ones in that far away city. I wished her good travel as I miserably found my way back home. I became very weary from all the screaming I began to focus hard on that far away city. I could barely hear their words. I was amazed at what I did hear. They were not words I had heard before but they drew me to them. Those people did not scream but spoke in what seemed to be a whisper. It seemed they were speaking to me but I knew it could not be because they said I was valuable. I have never been told that before. I sorrowfully traveled that lonely path back to the place I called home. As I tried to sleep that night I could only think of those relaxing wonderful words I had heard. The hour was very early when I rose from my bed. It was with great determination I faced that day. I decided I would start my journey to that far away city. I pulled out my ear plugs that I had used when I could not stand another word and started on my journey. I did not take time to pack a bag. The feeling of urgency was upon me. I quickly left my house to be greeted by those awful words again. They caused me to slow my pace and wonder should I really do this. I struggled as I took a few more steps but the longer I listened the more insignificant I felt. The feeling of defeat started to creep in. Then I remember my ear plugs I had them in my pocket. I pulled them out and quickly put them to good use. I almost smiled at the quiet they brought. I saw other people struggling along the same road I had chosen. I took out my ear plugs for a moment to talk to one poor soul. It did not take long before I inserted them again to block out the words of defeat I began to hear. I could not allow myself to listen to such words any longer if I was going to reach my destination. I kept an eye on the distant city as I approached a very slippery slope. I took a long, long look and sat down. Tears came to my eyes I was just sure I would never be able to make it up that slope. I fell asleep dreaming how wonderful it would be to reach that city. Then I saw smiling faces assuring me I could finish the journey and conquer the mountain. I woke from my sleep and leaped to my feet to try again. I kept my ear plugs tightly in place not to hear another discouraging word. I kept telling myself I will make it, I will make it. It was such a hard trek but I kept pushing. I have arrived I told myself as I took a step facing that great city. The giant sign to the city read GREAT VALUE. Just the words made me smile. It also read "Do not carry any baggage you will be given all new things." I was glad to read that. I took out my ear plugs as I looked around. A person came quickly to my side. I started to move away when she told me there was no need to fear. Then it started a shower of wonderful words coming from every direction. I could not believe my ears. I knew I would love this place. 
    I have not forgotten those I saw along the slippery slope that had stopped and given up. I know it is hard to hear me but I would like to send you a message. You are valuable. Get up, keep pushing we are cheering for you. It is a ruff climb but I know you can do it. It is worth the struggle. We are waiting for you. Matter of fact there are a lot of people here waiting for you. Greatness is yours to have. KEEP CLIMBING YOU CAN DO IT!!!

Don't Keep Garbage

 

I have garbage in my life from childhood because of what was done to me. They shoveled it in and I could do nothing. I carried it because I had no choice but now I do. The choices I have are let it stink up my life or throw it away. Getting rid of it is not always easy but it can be done. When that smelly stuff gets thrown away what a relief it is. Your whole life starts smelly better and opening the door to others is even easier. Do you have garbage in your life? I would challenge you to throw it away. It might not be easy but I know you can do it. You might think I don't even know what garbage you have or how long you've had it and that is right. But I do know what garbage I had and how long I carried it. If I can do it I know you can. Remember you are not alone we are here to help each other. I believe in you because God made you special just like He did me. Happy tossing.

 

God is in the furture

  

I have talked about God in the past and present but I also believe He is in the future. I do not think He is confined as we are to one time. He knows the future and what He has planned for each of us. I can only plan for the future. The key to the planning is to let Him guide me along the way so I will be able to fulfill what He has for me. To succeed in doing that I first must determine to be the best me possible. I always must remember that I am one of a kind and I have an important job to do. I must allow Him to plant my feet along the way that will help His plan happen. I guess I am really saying I must listen, do and be like Him, if I am able to do that than I can't go wrong. I think this applies to all of us because He created us in His image and we are valuable. We all have a job. What is yours? What is mine? Who can I reach today?   

 

God is in the present

 

Last time I wrote about how God was in my past. At the time all of this is happening I had no idea He was there. In working through the trauma I have had to go back and revisit those days. That has also made me wonder from time to time is He even here now. I just wanted to share with you something I think is very valuable that I have learned. When I went through trauma the first time God helped me through or I would not be here. He gave me a way to cope so I did not lose my mind. He allowed me to grow into a responsible adult. During all this time He kept those secrets, those hurts, those nightmarish days hidden in my mind. When He felt I was ready to handle those days He allowed them to come to the front of my mind so I could deal with them to become the person He intended me to be. I did not have to go through those memories alone this time I have a wonderful husband, wonderful sons, wonderful therapist and wonderful friends that have helped me bear the burden of those days. Also God has been there ready to walk me through them giving peace and healing. I do believe that complete healing can come from God. Others can hear what you are saying and see how it has affected you. God can see and hear not only what you are saying but those things that you find too hard to put into words. He can also feel every feeling you are having. When God is allowed He can go to those deep parts healing every act you experienced. None of this healing could happen until I allowed people and God to help. God is here today. I want to say to you: I know you are brave you survived. You are here reading this. There are people that love and care about you and so does God. DO NOT keep believing the lies you were fed as a child. Do another brave thing if you haven't already and reach out for healing. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!

God was in my past.

 

Looking at my background it might make you wonder where was God. I have asked myself that question many times. As I sit back and take a long look at my life I can see Him. God gave me a creative and very helpful way to deal with the abuse that was happening. He also led a pastor of a little country church my way. He invited us to church and our parents allowed us to attend. I began to learn about God and His love. God instilled in me a great desire to do the right thing. He helped me to hide His word in my heart, so while the abuse was happening I had something loving to think about. He also allowed my mind to hide what was happening so I could function as I needed to. He kept putting people in my life that helped me to see that I was not a horrible person. They kept directing me toward God. God was faithful and kept leading me: to Bible College, to the mission field, also sent me a husband and allowed me to have to two wonderful sons. He then led us to Mississippi. He was putting people here in place to help me work through what had happened to me so I could become the person He intended for me to be. He was there carrying me many times when I could not even see the path that I was to walk. God doesn't always take us out of a bad situation but He always gives us the strength to make it through if we ask Him. Look for God He is there.

Where is God?

 

The question for me has not been is there a God. The question has been "where is God?" The fact that I could not see or touch Him was not the problem. The problem was manifested when I was being hurt and He did not stop it. I would cry out in my heart for Him to stop what was happening. He did not but He gave me strength to get through it. It was not the solution I would have chosen but it worked. I am here today. As a child I began to believe that He was only around when I was doing good things. I was so very wrong. I didn't understand that He is everywhere all the time. Also that He loves me unconditionally. Matter of fact I didn't know what that was. Where was God? He was there protecting me. If you are wondering where God is in your life just stop and think for a moment. See if you can discover Him in your life in the here and now. Think about your past also and see if you can find Him there. After you have time to think about where He is or was for you and would like just message me I would enjoy hearing from you. Maybe we can help each other discover where He is and was for us all. I will be back next week to share with you where He was in my past.

Tips to start you on your way.

 

We have talked about journaling the past few weeks but I do want to conclude by giving you a few tips I have found helpful as I look back over my years of journaling. First of all be sure to date everything. Second be sure not to focus on only negative or just positive. It should include both. Life is full of both aspects so should your journaling. Last be honest with yourself. Don't be afraid to glance back over the days, weeks or months to see how far you have come. It can help you see how you have grown or how you need to. It also can be a great blessing. We all are faced with issues in our lives what we do with them is what counts. My goal in writing about journaling has been to help you realize putting situations out where you can look at them helps. It helps to clear the mind and can even give you a new perspective of the situation. If you uncover things that you cannot solve on your own reach out to someone that can help you. I have many prayers in my journaling for those hard days when I just cannot seem to put them in words any other way. May God bless you as you journal.

Find you fit and journal.

 

I have been talking about journaling as if sitting down and writing is the only thing a person can do. There are different things that can fit into writing such as prayers, poems, charts and graphs. Whatever helps you to express what is inside that needs to get out. I do not want to leave out a very valuable type of journaling that might relate to some of you more than any of the above types. It is art, putting your thoughts into pictures. For some people it is easier to sit down and draw a picture than it is to write one sentence. Your pictures can tell a lot about how you see your day. It can also tell how you feel. One picture can remind you of your whole day experience. Whatever you feel the most comfortable with doing than you should do it. The important thing is not to be afraid to express yourself.

Just Do It!

 

I hope this week you have overcome your fear of journaling. I want to share with you somethings that has helped free me to write. Just let the words flow. Don't get bound up with the spelling or grammar part. Not that I am against all of that, it is very important and great to know. But if you are thinking more about that than you are about what you are writing you might get discouraged and stop even trying.  I know I would. It is for your use. It is for your self-expression, to help you get your feelings out. Whether you use a computer or pin and paper it really doesn't matter it is for you to choose. I use either; sometimes one just seems to work better at the moment than the other. No I cannot explain why it just does. Whatever way helps you release those feelings from within that keeps you chained up. Just do it!! Work on it this week and next time we will talk about different types of journaling.

Journaling

 

According to the Webster dictionary a journal is "a record of experiences, ideas, or reflections kept regularly for private use". The definition makes it all sound so easy. But when you sit down to journal for whatever reason it does not seem to be as easy as it sounds. We sometimes get tied up with the fact that it might not sound right. But how can it be wrong? It is your experiences and thoughts. No two people see things the same way, neither do things affect everyone the same. Besides that they are your private thoughts for your private use. God made us different it would stand to reason that our thoughts and reactions would be different. Don't be afraid to be you. Start your journal today. Come back next week and we'll talk some more about journaling.

Give control back to God or not

God gave us the freedom to make choices. He wants us to love Him and have fellowship with Him. It did not take long for Adam and Eve to decide to disobey. That control, that wrong decision didn't take long to affect others. Their own sons were at odds with each other enough to kill. I am sure they never thought that would ever happen. Sometimes our emotions just take control heading our path down the avenue of destruction. It saddens God's heart to see us take that pathway. He knows what that path holds for us. We need to stop and take inventory as to where we are headed. How will our actions affect others? If you don't like the course you are on it can be changed. It might seem impossible to change what is going on and maybe it really is for us. It is not impossible with God. He is waiting for us to come to Him and ask for His guidance. He doesn't want to control us like puppets but He does want to direct us in the right path. He wants to take us down a path of love, joy and peace. I guess the big question for me and maybe you is what do I do with the control or free will I was given? I think I am going to give it back to God. I don't want to get so tied up with my own agenda that I cannot hear Him. I will slow myself down and listen while spending time with Him. Yes, I will still make mistakes and mess up but I will keep trying. He understands all of that. He still loves me and will help me. I want that peace and love He offers. What will you do with the free will He has given you? God please give us all the strength needed to make the right decision.

God gave us control

 

In the beginning God had control over everything. He made the decision to create mankind in His own image. Talk about control. He could have made us robots controlling our every move and action. Some days I think that would be a good thing then we wouldn't have to wonder if we are making the right decision, it would always be right because He would have programed us to do what He wanted. Instead He gave us a free will, which enables us to make our own decisions. In doing that He gave us control of our lives. He gave us rules much like we do with our children.  We do that because we love them. We are training them to be the best person they can be. The end decision is up to them. That is the same with God. He gave us rules to follow. He wants us to love Him and have a relationship with Him but the ultimate decision is ours.  We are no different than Adam and Eve. They made a wrong decision that has impacted our lives. When we make decisions it impacts the lives of other people. God gave us control of our lives what are we going to do with it? Will the impact you have on others be positive or negative?  

Control gone wrong.

 

Some people in the world use control as a power trip. I'm not sure what possesses them to do so but I do know it happens, some parents are like that. They have these precious little children that believe and trust what they say. It doesn't really matter if it is true or not. The child has nothing to compare it to because that is their life, they are under their parents' control. When incorrect information is pounded into their brain day in and day out they believe that is the truth. It doesn't matter how things really are, they become brainwashed. The parents are not trying to build the child's character they are more concerned about what they want. The child becomes afraid to do anything for fear it will be the wrong thing. Life for them becomes one of great fear and uncertainty. The effect of the degrading that happens lingers long after the event. That kind of control can teach a child they are not worth anything. They deserve whatever hurt that is done to them. It teaches them they are unlovable and no one cares about them. They carry that into their adult lives unless someone comes to their rescue. Even when that happens it takes time and a lot of effort to teach them that they are valuable and of great worth. If you see a person that suffers because of this kind of injustice help them feel special, give a kind word, listen to them, and let them know how important they really are. I believe we are all placed here on earth to help each other let us all do our part in giving value to others. God has given us all great value and purpose. When we find someone that doesn't seem to have any let's help them find what they have lost or that was taken from them.

 

Good Control

 

As children we have very little control. We are at the mercy of our parents or guardians. We trust them to make the right decisions for us. We follow their rules or lack of them.  Isn't it interesting that one set of parents have so many rules that children are afraid to breath while another might have none therefore the children run over even them. I am not going to tell you what the right amount of control is for you in your life because I don't know. I do know that children respond better when there is some structure or control. They need to know limits and what is expected of them. A key thing to remember is consistency. When rules are always changing they become unsure of what is expected of them. Then there could be big problems: some become afraid and withdraw while others start acting out in inappropriate ways. Parents that practice good control will allow it to change as the children grow.  In so doing parents are teaching them responsibilities and how to make right choices. They are working at preparing them to go out into the world.  As loving parents we do our best to teach our children the correct way of life. We sit back let the rope of control slowly disappear and let life happens. I trust you are using your power of control in a good way. Next week I would like to talk about when control becomes a power trip.

Guide our family

I talked about protecting our families which is extremely important. This week I'd like to talk about guiding our family. I believe in not stifling a child's creativity. But I also find that phrase means different things to different people. I do not think that letting a child do whatever they want whenever they want is a good thing. That can have an adverse effect. They can learn that it doesn't matter how they treat people because the only one that matters is their own self. Or however they act is acceptable no matter how it is. That is where I think guiding them comes into play. We teach them right and wrong actions and that wrong ones have consequences. We help lead them along a path that will assist them in becoming people others want to be around. People that think about others. Guiding them is different than dictating. It might not seem to be when they are young because we seem to always be telling them what to do. They do need to have a firm foundation of right and wrong actions to build on.  As they grow they still need guidance but they also need room to make decisions on their own. A parent trust that the guidance given as their children grow will facilitate good decision making in the rest of the lives but the final decision to ultimately up to them.  Our job as parents is to guide and protect. We need to be their biggest cheerleader. Also part of our job is to allow God to help them to become the individual He created them to be.

Protect Our Family

We should consider it a privilege to bring precious children into the world. We love them, show them off to everyone we see and enjoy watching them group. Before long they are getting around on their own. We run to their side to protect them from harm when they fall. We keep them away from things that might hurt them. A good parent protects their children the best they can from any harm. We don't protect them because it is demanded of us. We do it because we love them with everything inside of us. Do our children ever get hurt? Yes because that is life no matter how much we try, at some point in their life they get hurt. That does not mean we stop trying.  That means we are here for them letting them know we love them and will do whatever we can to help protect them. Not all children have parents that will protect them but let's don't be that parent. Let's show them the great love they deserve by being there and protecting them the best we can.

National Poetry Month/ABANDONED NO MORE

Seeing people walk away time and time again is what I see in my mind
I cannot tell what is real or memories, they all are so authentic
Abandoned I do feel, left all alone with no one to care BUT
What I see with my real eyes are not people's backs
I see their smiling or sad faces - they really are here to help
They do not leave me in my struggles of yesterday, they stay
Letting me know it is okay to cry when the pain and fear are present
They even give me a hug when I think I can hardly go another step
Their back I do not see even when I question everything they say
Their faces I try to keep in my mind as I thrash about in the night
I hear their heartfelt concern for me as a person
Do these kinds of people forsake you? I don't think so!
No more am I a throw away person to others
ABANDONED NO MORE - THAT IS REALLY ME!!!!!

National Poetry Month/ALONE

Taken from my book "Out of the Depths a Poetic Journey"

ALONE
I feel so very, very alone
In a big world of many
I hear people in the background
They seem to always be miles away
But really they are within arms' reach
But I cannot reach out and touch them
Are my arms broken do they not work
What does it take to reach out to someone?
My aloneness keeps me in a bubble afraid to reach
How can I bust the bubble? I do not know.
No one to talk to or ask my many questions
I wish you could hear my insides wanting out
Maybe then you would understand I cannot help where I am
Maybe you could help rescue me from the bubble
All alone, so alone how do I get out this cage?

National Poetry Month/WORMS

There they are again
Where do they come from?
The worms under my skin
There they go wiggling
Now they are crawling
Up my arms, down my back
I think they have gone to my brain
Thinking right cannot happen
Crazy it makes me feel
They make me squirm
Those little guys
I know they are there
But I never see them
They come, they go
They do not stop for long
There they go again
Crawling, crawling all around
What makes them leave?
What makes them stay?
I really wish I knew
Then away they would go
No more to wiggle
What a relief that would be
I guess I will put up with them
Until I figure out their leaving
So wiggle on little ones
But please don't invite your family!!!!

National Poetry Month/WORDS

Since this month is National Poetry Month I thought I would share some poems throughout the next few weeks. Some of them will be found in my book "Out of the Depths a Poetic Journey". 

WORDS

My hands are tied I cannot write
What will happen to all my words?
I need to be able to let them escape
Bottled up inside is not good at all
When the lid is put on them they fizz
What follows is not a pretty sight
They start to seep out all over the place
Oh no they have popped the lid
Now they are flying on everyone
Run as fast as you can, get away
Hurry before they hit, they might hurt
When that happens the repair is hard
Duck here comes one your way
I think the wise thing would be
Remove the lid letting them escape
Not at people just on paper
What a relief that will be
Knowing they will not hurt
As they fly on my paper
I might throw kind loving words your way
Don't worry they do not hurt
You might be surprised how good
They will make you feel so BEWARE
Flying words might come your way

PTSD/Let People Help You

Recap: confess you have a problem, don't be afraid of labels, seek your inner strength, find a qualified person to help, be willing to go to the dark hidden place, find a support person, call on God, write, write, write, now do something for someone else and the last is let people help you.
It is a fact that many people are very proud. We do not want people to know how hard things are. We want people to think we are strong and can handle anything. I understand all of that. I know when I am at my low I don't want people to know. I don't want them to see or hear me reacting to my hurt and frustration. I get embarrassed that I am having a problem and having a hard time handling it. The fact is, how is anyone going to help you overcome that struggle if they don't know it exist? A dear friend might know something is wrong but if you do not trust them enough to talk to them they cannot be of help. I am not advocating going around telling the whole world your difficulties. But those that are trying to support you need to know how they can be of assistance. You don't know what kind of situation they are having this might be their time of helping someone else. Your time might be for someone else to help you. I believe we are all in the world
to help each other. Let people help you when you feel you cannot help yourself. God loves you and has sent them in your life for a reason. Allow God to work in your life as well as theirs.

PTSD/Do Something For Someone Else

Recap: confess you have a problem, don't be afraid of labels, seek your inner strength, find a qualified person to help, be willing to go to the dark hidden place, find a support person, call on God, write, write, write, and now do something for someone else.
This might sound kind of strange in light of what we have been talking about. We need to stay focused on the mission ahead which is concurring PTSD but it can wipe you totally out if you don't get some kind of balance. Sometimes we have to step outside ourselves. There are people you come in contact with that needs only what you can give. I don't mean money nor necessarily emotional energy but just a smile when you pass or an encouraging word. We never know how much it means to someone by doing the simple things that we do every day without a thought, the things that make you really you. We should not do something for someone else to be noticed but because we care.  It makes that person feel special we all like that feeling. It also shows to you that you do make a difference.  When you give to someone else it helps you to regroup. Then when you go back to the place that you would rather not travel you will be ready to push on. Keep in mind that
everyone has their own journey to travel. Be a light to them as others have been a light to you. You are loved and so are they.

PTSD/Write, Write, Write

Recap: confess you have a problem, don't be afraid of labels, seek your inner strength, find a qualified person to help, be willing to go to the dark hidden place, find a support person, call on God and now write, write, write.
Why would I suggest that a person write about events that are hurtful and scary? You might also ask isn't it bad enough that it has to be talked about? My answer to that is yes. When we talk sometimes we are guarded in what we say for a number of reasons. What will they really think? What if it gets too scary? What if they think it is not that bad? What if they don't believe me? The questions could go on and on, these questions are some of the ones that have kept a person from dealing with the issues in the first place. Writing on the other hand is just you and your thoughts of course something to put them on. It can be said however you need to. How it is said is not the important thing, the saying is. There is no judging, no criticism, mistakes are allowed, it doesn't matter how things are said, you don't have to worry about hurting some ones feelings and the beat goes on as to why it helps. It also can help with the expressing of the feelings
that seems too hard to verbalize. You have freedom to say all the forbidden things you could never bring yourself to say while a person is sitting in the room. It is not anything about that person, telling them right at that moment might be just more painful or stressful than you can handle at the time. You can take a break when it gets to intense then go back and continue. It helps you take a really good look at what is hidden. It is also helpful to share with your therapist because it can help them to know how better to help you. It also helps you to talk about them easier, releasing the strong hold they have on you. If you are a drawer that is also a helpful way of expressing what is on the inside waiting to get out. It really is all about you and you getting better. Getting better is important it helps you get the life back that was really meant for you in the first place. Be a victor, I know you can do it. Keep up the great work.

PTSD/Call On God

Recap: confess you have a problem, don't be afraid of labels, seek your inner strength, find a qualified person to help, be willing to go to the dark hidden place, find a support person and now call on God.
Call on God why would I even include it into the steps to recovery from PTSD. Keep in mind that God did send His son into the world as a human being flesh and blood just like us. Read the Gospels it will show over and over again how people mistreated him. I do believe some of the treatment left Him with long sleepless nights as well, nights where He prayed to His Father in heaven for help. He had done nothing wrong as many of us have done nothing wrong to merit the treatment received but none the less there it was. Others might have had something happen to them out of their control such as combat, floods, tornados, hurricanes and you name your own. All of these have left you with sleepless nights wondering if anyone cares. I know it might be sound trite to say "God knowns and understands." I do believe that as a fact, God felt all the pain and suffering of Jesus. Read Matthew 26-27 slowly and picture what is being said that will help you know how
God's heart must have been breaking. God did not create us to be mean and hurt each other but it happens. He is there to help us face the horror of our nightmares. He is there to heal the brokenness of the suffering. He is there to help us walk out of those memories that chain us to the hurt of yesterdays. You are doing your part by putting things in order now allow God to do His part. His part is the healing, let it happen and accept it as yours.

PTSD/Have Support People

Recap: confess you have a problem, don't be afraid of labels, seek your inner strength, find a qualified person to help and last week was be willing to go to the dark forbidden place and now find support people.
There is no need to go this journey alone. You have a professional that will help steer you in the right direction but you also need other support people. What about your spouse, children and other family members? They can be great support people. They are ones that should have that unconditional love no matter how hard times get. Also what about the buddy you watch the football game with, the lady you go shopping with or the ones you share a cup of coffee or coke with how close are they? In the course of doing activities you enjoy you talk and form a bond. We usually don't think of it like that but if you spend much time together it just happens. Let those trustworthy people know that you are having a hard time. In doing that they will understand better when you call even when you don't say much. Occasionally you just need to hear someone's voice to help you other focus until you can deal with what is going on in your head. There are times you
just need to let them know it is a hard day or week then they can listen to you chitchat until you feel better. They are also good people to text when you just cannot talk because you feel the pain in too much at the moment. You do not have to talk about memories that are happening but talking or texting another person that loves you can help you make it until the next visit to see your therapist. Support people can and do help hold you up and together when you cannot do it yourself. Allow those that love you also help, you are worth their time.

PTSD/Be Willing To Go To That Dark Forbidden Place In Your Mind

Recap: confess you have a problem, don't be afraid of a label, seek you inner strength, find a qualified person to help and now be willing to go to that dark forbidden place in your mind.
We have everything in place for this next step to take place. It is not an easy one but one I believe needs to be done to get the healing needed for your trauma. Trauma is stored in a locked away place in our minds that I like calling the forbidden place. I call it that because it is a place we forbidden ourselves to go because the pictures and events of those days, months or even years are just too hard to handle. We try to pretend they do not exist. We don't want anyone to know how much they haunt us because they might think we are week. The truth is they think you are strong for having lived through the event in the first place. The question is do you want those memories to control you forever or do you want them to be just that memories of the past? It is not easy, it is frightful to open the closet that you have locked so securely. I want to challenge you to peek in the close, slowly open the door, invite someone to step inside with you, tell them
what you see and allow them to help you to take steps to freedom. You might just take baby steps during the process but remember they are steps.
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look your fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror, I can take the next thing that comes,'…You must do the thing you think you cannot do." – Eleanor Roosevelt, You Learn by Living

PTSD/Find A Qualified Person To Help

Recap: confess you have a problem, don't be afraid of a label, seek your inner strength and now step four find a qualified person to help.
There are all kinds of people out there that are willing and very ready to give advice and directions. It is good to have people you can talk to and I would encourage that to happen. Are they able to handle the deepness of your problem? Will they be able to help direction the healing you really need? You need to get a qualified person that deals with PTSD on regular bases. You do not have to worry about what they are going to think of you, they understand that this is not of your choosing. They will give you a safe place to explore the feelings, sights and smells that haunt your waking and dream world. You can relive as much or as little as necessary for the healing that you so desperately need. They can help direct that process. In doing the reliving and telling of the events you will be walking right out of the memory into a world of peace. I know it is not always easy to step out and trust someone but the peace at the end it worth all the pain to get
there. There is a person out there that is equipped to help you make that walk to peace. Start your journey today.

PTSD/SeekYour Inner Strength

Now that we have admitted we have a problem and accepted the label of PTSD now what? I would like for you to think about your inner strength. You might be chuckling and saying I don't know you or I would know you have no strength. I have said that very thing many times and wonder why people would think I was strong. I always felt if they really knew how afraid I felt they would know I have no strength inside me at all. Inside it is just fear and sleepless nights. But the biggest fear is that the trauma will never leave. I think others see a strength that seems impossible to see for ourselves sometimes. It takes strength to keep getting up every day putting one foot in front of the other. You reach deep inside yourself and hang on. One day at a time. You made it through one time you can do it again in order to get better. It does not mean that everything will be easy. But it does mean that you will keep doing everything you can to put the haunting
memories to rest and reclaim your joy. Determination to get better is half the battle. You are worth the investment to reclaim the life meant to be yours. You are a survivor that is strong and courageous. Tell yourself that however many times you need to, even write it down and read it when needed. Remember feelings will pass but the fact is you are valuable and loved. Do whatever it takes to keep that inner strength going. Don't let anything or anyone steal the wonderful life you are meant to have.

PTSD/Don't be afraid of a label.

I was out with the flu last week but thanks for coming again for step number two in our recovery from PTSD. In the first step we confessed you have a problem now let's talk about the label. No one really wants to be labeled anything that might cause others to look at them funny or at least we think they are. If you went to a doctor, he/she gives you a Rx for medication told you to take it, come back in two weeks and walked out of the room. You would be left to wonder what is wrong with you. You want them to tell you what is going on, give it a label, and then you will be able to know the best treatment possible. So what is it that makes us run from the label PTSD? What will people think? We go to someone to help us understand what is going on with us. Then what do we want to do? Sometimes we want to run a whole different direction because that is not what you wanted to hear. The label might make you feel like there is no hope. The individual that gave
you the label is not trying to do harm. They are trying to help you understand what is going on inside your mind. It helps the trained person to know where to go now. They are saying you are not crazy as you might feel like you are sometimes. They are saying you are fixable, this is what is going on, now let's work on it. It is like the medical doctor giving you a name for your physical condition. PTSD is not shouting to people you are a bad person. It is not saying you are weak. It is saying you have great trauma in your life. Are you ready to stop running and work on stopping those nightmares? Are you ready to take control of your life? Then don't be afraid to except the label and let someone help you. Let them walk you through it and put it all to rest. You don't have to shout "I have PTSD" from the roof top but you also don't have to run from it any longer either. Stop and look at it for what it is.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

For the next few weeks I would like to give you steps I believe will help you to recover from PTSD. I do think that recovery is not always easy and quick. Some of it takes time and a lot of effort on your part. Let's start by talking about what PTSD is. PTSD has around for a very long time. It has been called many things over the years. As early as World War I there is mention of "shell shock", men waking in the night screaming, jumping out of bed and wondering where they are, to realize they are reliving the battle the fought days or years before. In World War II the term was upgraded to "combat fatigue". Now we are calling the same thing PTSD. Are we just talking about a person that wakes one night with a nightmare? Not at all or everyone would have PTSD it is more severe than that. According to the Mayo Clinic article I read it said "PTSD is a mental health condition that's triggered by terrifying event. Symptoms may include flashbacks,
nightmares and sever anxiety, as well as uncontrollable thought about the event." This does not only happen to war veterans it is also true in cases of abuse, or any terrifying event. The event does not stop playing in the mind even when trying to sleep. You feel like you are right there in that moment over and over again. I have discussed with our son who has been deployed four times about the waking in the night with night tare to his surprise I have the same thing from the abuse. As I have struggled to get better I have almost come out of my bed screaming with fear. I was sure I was in that situation at that moment. It would take my husband a good while to reassure me I was not. It is not a peaceful way to live. PTSD is awful to live with however you got it. Join me for the next couple of months to see if we can work through this together. You are not alone. I want to leave you with the first step to think about this week as you go about your life.
The first step is admitting you have a problem. If you keep telling yourself there is nothing wrong with you than you will not get the help needed. Take the first step to recovery and CONFESS YOU HAVE A PROBLEM. At first you might want to admit it quietly to yourself for a few days. That is a great start. Come next week and take that second step with me. I'll talk to you later.

Can DID/MPS people get better?

If you hear the diagnosis of DID/MPD you might feel like there is no use to try and get better because that cannot happen. I am here to tell you different. Yes the diagnosis might not be what you want to hear. But it could be worse you could have a different mental illness that does not have a cure. Do I mean a cure that you take medication for and one day you wake up and it is gone? No. It is not that way. The cure is one that takes hard work. First finding a great therapist that is patient, consistent, firm along with caring and willing to invest time is where to start. You might not think they are out there but I am sure they are I found one. Really God led me to her. They are not the only ones that is required to do some hard work you are as well. For me to get better I have realized a number of things. First of all I had to have a deep desire to recover what was stolen from me which was my wholeness. Then I had to learn to trust. That was very hard
because my whole life I was learning not to trust. You cannot just flip a switch that helps you to trust you just have to make an effort. I have also found it very helpful to journal. For me it was less embarrassing and easier to put some things on paper than to speak them out loud. It is helpful to share that with your therapist so they can understand how to help and direct you better. Also you need to have support people. Someone you can call when your therapist is not in their office. A person or persons that is willing to support you even when you try to push them away. Even though I am married that did not mean trust was easy. I will say that my husband and children were and are a big support to me. The biggest thing is to keep pushing even though you don't feel like it. Don't get discouraged when you feel you have slipped believe your cheering team when they say it is ok. Brush yourself off, take another step and keep pushing. I might have
made this sound like it was easy for me but many times I had to lean on someone else to help carry me when I could not take another step. But it is worth the fight. Believe it or not God is right there willing and able to help you along the whole journey. You are worth the fight that I do know. I know that because God made us all important. Just because you had severe trauma which caused the split does not mean you are any less important. Push on to recovery and become all you were meant to be.
If you want to chat you can email me at alters30@yahoo.com or if you want me to speak to your group feel free to contact me. I would love to help you and others along their journey. To know how I traveled my journey I have put some of it in poem form which I share in my book "Out of the Depths a Poetic Journey". Also my book "An Unspeakable Secret" is my journey to healing.

Does Being In Therapy Affect The Whole Family?

The fact that I was MPD was never a real big deal to me. I knew nothing different. I was also glad to be able to find out what was wrong. I had known for years that I had a problem I also had figured it was bigger than I wanted to believe. For years I cried inside myself I just wanted to be better. I had no idea what I had hid deep in the inner recesses of my mind. But what I did not know was how therapy would work when I started my journey. I still was in hopes of a quick fix. When you go to the doctor they tell you what is wrong if needed a surgery is done and in a few weeks good as new. Sad to say that is not quit how therapy works. In therapy to get the real healing needed you have to dig clear to the core of the problem carefully peeling back every layer. It takes you back to the depths of your own tortured soul. For me it was back to those childhood days of abuse. Even though therapy only lasted an hour it was felt long after leaving the office.
At some points in the early part I could not even drive so Steve would take me and pick me up. The boys would take care of things around the house, like laundry and even fixing frozen pizza. Things that I would have normally done Steve and the boys would do. There was not much sleep for Steve because I would wake up in the middle of the night screaming with nightmares. In reliving many memories I would become so suicidal that I ended up in the hospital. One time I went to Whitfield where I spent ninety plus days. The boys spent a lot of time with friends while Steve worked and went to school. After the fact our oldest son said "many days the only thing I wanted to do was go home where my stuff was". I was not always tuned into their needs not because I didn't want to be but I just could not. I think at any age children need to be shown you love them. When they feel neglected sometimes they act out, which happened at our house. After taking a trip
to school on an issue we decided it was time we had a family meeting. I will never forget sitting on the floor in our living room with our children. When they shared they was missing me doing things with them and sometimes they just needed a hug. My heart was broken we all sat there hugging each other and crying. We came up with a plan. If any of us needed a hug we just had to ask. That was a great help and it was used. My family was and is my greatest cheerleaders. I am not sure I would be where I am today if it hadn't been for their love. It does affect the family but you can do it, we did. God helped us to keep together. Thanks God for a loving family.

Life as DID/MPD

I would like to share with you some of what it was like being MPD. Although it was normal I never get used to some things. I considered myself a very forgetful person. I could not remember from one moment to the next what I was doing or saying. But I was able to remember later and wonder why I couldn't the moment I tried. I figured it came with being stupid. I had to concentrate very hard to just know where I was and what I was doing. School was hard. I became very organized so that no matter which alter (other personality) was in class the work could be found. I might be talking to someone then all of a sudden not even know them or what we were talking about. That was because of the switching. Switching was the changing of personalities. Sometimes it was very fast. The more stressful the situation the more frequent I learned to cope. I did find out that most people will continue to talk if given a chance, which is how I could find out what was going
on. Something I never got used to was being called weird. The old saying sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. That is not true. Words stay around long after broken bones are mended. I pondered those words for a long time trying to figure out what made me weird. I offended people and really had no idea what was the problem. If you happen to be one of those people I am very sorry. I have lost many friends because of being weird and there was no explanation for my actions or lack thereof. I did not have any real close friends that I could talk to or was afraid to talk to those that were friends. It was easier to push them away before they found out what an awful, stupid person I was. I also did not want the pain and rejection of them leaving me. I felt that if anyone got to know me they would not like me because of the how I was. I might have looked and acted like nothing was wrong but what I did was train myself to laugh and
pretend no matter how much I hurt. That did not stop what was going on inside. Inside there was a cry for help. I am sure that is how other abused people feel even if they do not have MPD. When I got married we had no idea all of this was in my past but we started finding out about eleven years into our marriage. That is when I began to fall apart and got the diagnosis of MPD. It was an explanation for the strange behavior. Then I began my journey to getting better. All of this does affect the whole family. It was not just me on my journey it was also my husband's and two son's. Next week I am going to talk about how recover affected the family.

What is Dissociative Identity Disorder/Multiple Personality Disorder?

I am going to talk about different aspects of DID/MPD these next few weeks. To start what is MPD? Dr. James G. Friesen, Ph.D. the author of "More Than Survivors Conversations With Multiple-Personality Clients" says "it is not a disease. It results from dissociation, a God-given coping style that gifted children learn to use to protect themselves from the effect of serious trauma. There is nothing wrong with these people." No one wants to believe that anyone could treat a child in such a dreadful manner that it would cause their mind to separate into different parts to handle the treatment, but it does happen. There are many events in the news these days about people beating their child causing death or they just kill them. We do not question if this could really happen because we sadly can see the results, the dead child. What about the child that suffers in silence and no one ever sees what is happening. Why is it so hard to believe that severe
trauma can happen behind closed doors? There have been many studies about how awesome our brains are and how much of a mystery is still left to find out. To me there should be no reason why one should not believe in MPD. MPD is just that the brain separates into different parts to handle what is happening, creating different personalities, the worse the trauma the more personalities. The person is not purposely creating them it just happens as a coping mechanism to help them to be able to function in the world they have to operate in every day. They do not even know this has happened because it is normal to them. You do not need to be afraid of the person that has this because it is not contagious. These people also need to be embraced and helped as anyone that suffers any trauma. Do not continue to treat these people as if they have done something wrong. They are only trying to survive.