Life as DID/MPD

I would like to share with you some of what it was like being MPD. Although it was normal I never get used to some things. I considered myself a very forgetful person. I could not remember from one moment to the next what I was doing or saying. But I was able to remember later and wonder why I couldn't the moment I tried. I figured it came with being stupid. I had to concentrate very hard to just know where I was and what I was doing. School was hard. I became very organized so that no matter which alter (other personality) was in class the work could be found. I might be talking to someone then all of a sudden not even know them or what we were talking about. That was because of the switching. Switching was the changing of personalities. Sometimes it was very fast. The more stressful the situation the more frequent I learned to cope. I did find out that most people will continue to talk if given a chance, which is how I could find out what was going
on. Something I never got used to was being called weird. The old saying sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. That is not true. Words stay around long after broken bones are mended. I pondered those words for a long time trying to figure out what made me weird. I offended people and really had no idea what was the problem. If you happen to be one of those people I am very sorry. I have lost many friends because of being weird and there was no explanation for my actions or lack thereof. I did not have any real close friends that I could talk to or was afraid to talk to those that were friends. It was easier to push them away before they found out what an awful, stupid person I was. I also did not want the pain and rejection of them leaving me. I felt that if anyone got to know me they would not like me because of the how I was. I might have looked and acted like nothing was wrong but what I did was train myself to laugh and
pretend no matter how much I hurt. That did not stop what was going on inside. Inside there was a cry for help. I am sure that is how other abused people feel even if they do not have MPD. When I got married we had no idea all of this was in my past but we started finding out about eleven years into our marriage. That is when I began to fall apart and got the diagnosis of MPD. It was an explanation for the strange behavior. Then I began my journey to getting better. All of this does affect the whole family. It was not just me on my journey it was also my husband's and two son's. Next week I am going to talk about how recover affected the family.