FEAR

As I take an unwanted walk I am overcome

With a feeling that I cannot run from

It is working its way into my feet

I don't know if I can move but I must

It keeps moving up my legs

They are weak – I hope they will hold me

On no!! They have become like jelly

I keep on standing even though they shake

It's adding another part - my stomach

I think it is burrowing a hole in there

No maybe it is churning butter- it is going in circles

I am sick what is going to happen to all my food

Help me – it is not stopping – where else can it go

It is in my chest – I think my heart will stop

That cannot happen I will die

No it speeds up faster and faster – it beats

I think it will come right out of my chest

I cannot get it to slow down it just will not

My arms are becoming weak and shaky

I hope I don't have to hold anything

I'm sure it would drop to the ground

They move like rubber having no control

What am I going to do?

It even goes into my head

My head is spinning like a merry-go-round

Something is happening to my brain

Oh no!! It happened – I cannot think right

My whole body is full of FEAR

What do I do? It has a strong hold

I can't shake it by myself

I am not sure anyone can help free me

CAN I FIND HELP????????????

My mind keeps hearing a voice saying

God can, God can, God can, God can

I am not sure I believe this BUT

I must – He may be my only hope

I try calling His name

I do not hear an answer

Maybe it is my nonworking brain

That is strange – my head stopped spinning

Calm is starting to come over my body

I am getting strength back into my arms

I can move them as I like

How odd is all of this? It is leaving

My heart has slowed its beating

I can breathe without a fight

I think I will make it!! How strange!!

Still I have not heard God speak

The churning and burrowing has stopped

I think I will be able to keep my food

Things are looking up for me

Maybe that fear is on the run

My legs are regaining their strength

I can stand strong and walk

My feet will carry me where I must go

Strange how the changes are happening

I called God's name but had no answer

The FEAR has not won

I can handle what I must

I can make it to another day

What if that was Gods' answer

The quiet answer in the noise

The warmth that runs through my blood

Keeping me safe when I feel unsafe

Holding my hand when I feel alone

It has to be God – who else would know?

Thank You for helping me see

You are the HOPE I always needed

Thank You for taking the fear

Making me an overcomer

GOD IS THE HOPE!!!!!

THANK YOU FOR THE HOPE!!!

 

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Teen Depression

Depression is a real thing. We seem to have very little problem in believing that adults suffer from being depressed but what about children. It does not surprise me that children also suffer from being depressed. We as a society put a lot of pressure on children to be little adults. Wake up they are not little adults. I also have been guilty of expecting my children and grandchildren to act like little adults. They need to be perfect, right? Wrong they need to be children. I do think they need to be well behaved but they need time to run and play. They need to let their imaginations run wild in discovery. They should not have to struggle with decisions that an adult should be making for them. What about peer pressure? I know that can be a damaging thing but today it seems worse. I think it is highly due to social media. The child that might never say anything in person might blow up different avenues of social media about a person, than the whole world sees. One quick action may cause a child to suffer for a long time to come. They might suffer great pain in silence for a long time before the problem is discovered.  Also peer pressure happens to children at school the ones that look and act different. The verbal abuse they suffer becomes unreal. What about those that aren't making the grades everyone thinks they should? What harassment they go through because they get labeled stupid. This is not just among the students some teachers facilitate this by the words they choose to use to the students. We all need to be careful what words we use they can be very damaging. After this goes on for a prolonged period depression can set in and we might have never realized there was even a problem. Some children never say anything they choose to live with the inner torment in silence. What if it is a family situation? In divorced families (not all by any means) one parent might be angry at the other for what has happened and they take it out on the child. Who wants to say anything in a situation like that, not to many children I know. They love both of their parents, so not a word will they speak. From the outside everything appears great but not on the inside. Then the child begins to change.

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            There are a number of signs to watch for that indicates that your child has a problem that needs attention. The first thing you probably would notice is changed behavior. Other things you might want to beware of is change in appetite from not having one to over eating, change in their social life, wanting to sleep all the time or complaining that they can't sleep and not wanting to go to a certain classes or hang with certain people. Or a very popular child might all of a sudden complain about not having any friends. I understand that some of these things can be just a stage they are going through but if it is a prolonged pattern than you need to investigate. Be active in your child's life. Talk to them and see if you can get to the bottom of the issue, if they will not talk to you than get them someone to talk to. Don't play the blame game, play the action game. Your child is the important one right now. If depression goes untreated it can turn into suicidal thinking. Also don't rule out the fact it can be a chemical imbalance as well, if that is the case it also needs treated.

My suggestion is to really make it a matter of prayer, ask others to pray, and seek professional help if needed. There are trained people out there that love the Lord. Find the one that fits your child's personality the best. Talk to the counselor first to see what you think, then you and your child talk to them and see what the child thinks, then make a decision. After the decision is made listen to your child and see if there starts to be changes in a positive way. It might take a little while, damage to a child doesn't happen overnight it will not get fixed overnight. Keep praying for both your child and the counselor. Help your child feel safe in talking to you about everything, don't be judgmental just listen. Some things might be hard to hear but allow them to be spoken then the two of you can work through whatever the situation. Getting to the root of the problem can and will bring healing. The important thing is to keep open and listen with your heart as well as your ears. Always remember that child loves you. You love them. God loves you both. Allow God to help you both find the healing needed for the hurt that causes the depression. May God direct you in the right paths.

Broken hearted don't give up.

What causes people to go down the road to destruction? Is it that they just like that kind of life? I have talked too many that have chosen to make life chooses that have lead them down a bad path. 

They did not mean to head that way but off they traveled. They did not stop at the first wrong turn but kept on traveling. They traveled in that direction long enough that there wrong behavior landed them in prison. I have listened as they tell me time and again of stories that scream of a broken heart. I have seen the defeat in their eyes. I have heard the tone in their voice that tells me they don't think the brokenness is able to be fixed. My heart is heavy for them. I know that feeling. I have had that defeat in my eyes. I have felt that brokenness would never get healed. But I know and truly believe something they do not yet know, that God can heal all things, even a broken heart.  

His words tells us this truth ---- Psalm 147:3 He heals the broken hearted, and binds up their wounds. If you suffer from a broken heart don't give up and travel forever down the road of destruction. Your heart can be healed!! He will also bind your oozing wounds!! But you must give it to God and trust Him for the healing. Don't give up hurting friend!!! 

Give it all over to God. Email me alters30@yahoo.com if I can ever be of help. He has mended and fix my brokenness. I know He can do it for you also. Have a great day allowing God to mend your brokenness.

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Broken but fixable.

            "Mom, Mom" Joey screamed as he looked at the broken lamp on the floor.

            "What's the problem" his mother said as she came running from the kitchen.

            "I broke your lamp" he said with tears in his eyes not taking his eyes from the broken lamp. "I'm really sorry mom" he said as he began to cry.

            Mom stooped next to her young son, looked in his tearful eyes and said "Let's see what kind of damage has been done, son." She picked up the lamp which was now in three pieces. "I think it can be fixed" she said laying the lamp aside.

            "Joey what were you doing?" she asked as she sat her young son on her lap.

            "I was playing with my football. I threw it and it hit the lamp" he said. "It was an accident" he quickly added.

            "You know what I've told you about that son" she said in a stern voice. "There is to be no more playing with your football in the house." She wiped his tears and said "the good thing it is fixable. Come on let's see what we can do to get it fixed."

After much looking they finally found the super glue. With steady hands mom put the pieces back in their proper spots. Holding it gently while it dried she talked to her son about the importance of following the rules. Joey promised not to throw the football in the house anymore. After the glue was dried the lamp was placed on the table very carefully. "You can still tell it was broken but we can still use it" she said as she stepped back to admire her handy work.

            There are times in our lives we get knocked down and feel broken.  It can even get worse you can feel like they throw you away because you are of no value. When that happens it can leave you feeling there is no hope you are doomed to always be a failure, a worthless person. I must say that is not correct information. You are not a worthless person no matter how broken you are, no matter how broken you feel you are or how broken you think you are. The truth is you are fixable, if you have never been told that before I'm glad I am here to give you that great news. I have been very broken (you can read my story in my books An Unspeakable Secret or Out of the Depths a Poetic Journey) with the great help of a counselor, a great family (husband and children) and friends I am put back together. But most of all the wonderful healing power of God has made me like new. That does not mean I'm perfect but I am a person of great value even with my brokenness. You also are a person of great value even with your brokenness. If you haven't already allowed God to heal all that brokenness allowing you to live in the greatness He has for you, call on Him today for the healing. He is there waiting. God is in the business of fixing what seems unfixable. Have a great day.

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Where did the joy go?

Maybe a better question is what causes your sadness? If you cannot hang onto joy then you are letting sadness and sorrow take its place. I understand that life happens and not everything is always the way we want it to be. There are going to struggles of some sort during our journey in this life and the key is not to lose your joy. I think joy is a deep emotion. It is one we can have deep inside in spite of what is happening on the outside. I don't mean we will be laughing about every circumstance, but I do mean no matter the circumstance inside we have a peace. When we allow life situations to rob us of the joys of life then we can become one bitter, frustrated, and even an angry person. It can also leave us feeling that everyone owes us something. When that happens we put ourselves in a no win state. We feel like the people that are trying to help don't understand. They add to our sorrow because we cannot count on them either. 

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Maybe others don't understand but we feel everyone is out to get us. But when the joy is missing then soon hope cannot be found either. We find ourselves in a downward spiral not even noticing the good things in life. Yes, there are good things in our lives if we really look for them. So again I ask, what robs you of your joy? Is it worth holding onto? Have you gotten comfortable with the sorrow it brings? I would challenge you, as I have had to challenge myself before, to move out of the sorrow and reclaim your joy. Put your gaze upon life's greatness, listen to the encouragement and help of others, allow peace to fill a deep place in your soul, and throw off the chains of sorrow that hold you so tight. There are times you have to associate with negative people but do not let them be the ones you make your closest companions. They do not promote your joy or even have your best in mind. Look in the mirror and tell yourself I will not live in this sadness any longer and do steps to correct it. Fellowship with those that uplift your spirit. Listen to the encouraging words that others speak to you and take them as your own. Remember you have a choice. Reclaim your joy and cherish it every moment. When you think it is lost look around you at the greatness of life. Breathe in the fresh air and know that joy is just waiting again to be grabbed and held tight. Ask God to help you walk in the joy His love has for you each and every day. He does make a difference. May you reclaim and walk in joy from this moment forward in spite of any circumstance you face. Have a great day.

Ongoing Injustice

Ongoing injustice

I have been thinking about the topic of injustice and wondering what to really share.  When a small child says to the parents at bedtime "why don't I get to stay up later, you do," they are finding that things aren't the same for everyone and they don't like it. What about the siblings that yell "why can't I? Susie gets to!!!" You find that you have explained many times Susie is older and older children get to do more things. Then you hear the cry "that's not fair." You just have to let it go or have a long drawn out discussion that ends as it begins she is older. The child feels the injustice never ends, but to them it is expressed as unfair. Some people seem to feel that their whole life is one big injustice after another. If you are one of them I would caution you, because if you are not careful it will be an unhappy life. It will be a life of always screaming on the inside, if not the outside, WHY ME!!! WHY ME!!!! It will not matter what people say to try and help, their help will not be received. Before long you feel alone and maybe even that no one really cares about you. Then the big party begins and you are the only one there because it is a pity party.

Maybe you just need to take a step back and look at the situation. See if there is anything you can do different to change the injustice in your life. If there is something you are doing that keeps you in that state then change your response. Really listen and try the advice you receive from those that love and care about you. Try a more positive attitude toward life in general. Injustice is going to happen the key is how you are handle it.

I think a great example is that of Jesus. He did nothing wrong but He was not treated justly. People were cruel to Him in many ways, especially His death. They put traps out for Him to see if He would give in. He never felt sorry for Himself. He did say in the Garden of Gethsemane "My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me, yet not as I will, but as Thou wilt." (Matthew 26: 39) In the end He was willing to do what God wanted. He did what He could, including taking time away from everyone to talk to God. That shows us we also need to do the same, how else are we going to get direction for our lives. God will direct us and give us peace in spite of the injustice we experience.

I guess you could just say life is not fair sometimes. But keep doing what God has for you and keep giving all things over to Him and you will be a conquer. Live life to its fullest. Change what you can and except what you cannot change. Always remember God is in control and we need to listen and do His guidance. Have a great day.

HOLD ONTO GOD WHEN HE IS SILENT

 

Do you have a hard time holding onto God when He is silent? If we give up on Him when He is silent I wonder how much we really loved Him in the first place. It does remind me of my relationship with a dear person. One summer we went to see her and her husband, while on vacation. We had a good time. When we got ready to leave and the transmission went out on our car. That little problem extended our stay. We stayed in the hotel part of the time. They had our car ready by the end of the week. I had not been feeling too good and by the time we left I felt like the relationship was stranded. It was not like we talked on the phone all the time but after that I didn't hear from her for quite a while. I sat at my house and wondered why is she giving me the silent treatment? Who knows she might have been wondering the same thing? My husband kept telling me to just call her. One day I picked up the phone and dialed her number. As the phone rang I had all these crazy ideas running though my head, she doesn't want to hear from me, she is angry at me, she …etc. Then she answered. She sounded cheerful enough and talked like nothing was wrong. I had to ask if she was mad and if that was the reason she hadn't called. She assured me she was not. I did find out she also had been pretty ill as had I. She was just unable to reach out to me. That day we both decided that instead of sitting around our houses wondering if the other was upset we would just call. Problem solved. We still have occasions that we do not talk but I know that she is my best friend. Her silence is not that she does not care, it is only silence. What to do when God does not speak? First of all make sure you have not done something you should not have. Make sure your conscious is clear. Then remember that there are times of silence. It is not something to be afraid of. It is a time to keep reading His word and talking to Him. You will hear Him again. His presence is there. Love can be silent as well as talking. Also we don't always hear because we are listening to the great noise around us and His soft voice gets drowned out. Love God at all times and trust His love for you. Have a great day.

FACE EVERYTHING AND RISE

What a saying for fear – face everything and rise. It is much easier to do just the opposite face everything and run. I don't really think it's facing something if you are running from it. Facing means you are looking it right in the eyes and seeing it for what it is worth. Running is trying to get away from the situation as quickly as possible. It is much easier to run from an uncomfortable situation then take the actions it requires to face it and rise. If you start running you might find yourself like Forest Gump not stopping for many days, weeks, or even months. Did the running solve the problem? I don't think so, he returned home to the same situation, then faced it and moved forward. Running is great exercise. It can help clear your mind. It can also help you get a better perspective on your situation if you allow it to. But the kind of running for exercise is not what I'm talking about. The running I am talking about is one when you are trying to get away from problems or fears. The question becomes when do you stop running from a problem or fear once you start? The difficulty will not solve itself. It will still effect you. It can even take a toll on your health. Just because you do not face your fears does not mean it is not there. You might not even realize what fear is doing to you but others can see. They might even try to help but you have put blinders on and are running so fast that you don't take the time to really look. I would challenge you to stop and think is running working for you? Is it taking the fear away? If not than you should start facing the fear and rise. The only thing I have found to solve the terror in my life is to face it head on. Tackle the fear, look it square in the eyes, see it for what it is worth, and then begin to chip away at it. As you chip away you are rising. Allow those chips to be stepping stones for you. Other ways to help you rise is to keep yourself surrounded by positive people and things. Do not give in to anything that does not build you up. Keep only the friends that inspire you to be the best person possible. Read uplifting books and listen to uplifting music. All of these things will help you rise above the fear that otherwise might cause you to be crippled in many ways. Don't wear yourself out by running any longer, face those ugly old fears and rise to greater heights than you can even imagined possible. You are very special. You are created in the image of God. You are created for greatness. Allow that to take THE place of fear and rise to your greatness. Have a great day.  

ANXIETY

          Headed to Wal-Mart with list in hand ready to grab a few things and back home. "I can do this," I keep telling myself as I park the car. I reach the door and enter no problem. Then all of a sudden it hits again. By the time I reach the carts, I start to sweat, tension swells up inside and my heart begins to race very fast, but I keep pushing on. I hold onto the cart extra tight as if it is trying to run away and begin my shopping. I have a hard time concentrating. I stare at the list. As I stand in the isle I feel the tears begin to well up in my eyes. I swallow hard to keep pushing on. Finally with all of my items in the cart I check out and almost run to the car. As quick as I can I put my things in the car and get behind the wheel. I sit there and begin to cry. I cannot control it any longer. I stay parked right there until I get control of myself so I can drive home. Yes, it is a full blown panic attack. That is what anxiety can cause.

The dictionary says that anxiety is worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome. Anxiety can cause us to become so afraid it is hard to venture out of our own house. It keeps us from doing the things that we need to do for ourselves or even our family. It can be a real, crippling thing. There are things that you can do to get control back. One easy thing to do when you feel it creeping in is to stop, literally stop, take a deep breath, and stand still for a few seconds then proceed. It helps calm your insides down long enough for you to tell yourself you can do this. No one will even notice that is what you have done, as long as you don't stop right in front of someone. Taking a short walk also helps you to calm yourself. If you find anxiety rising, just because you are outside, don't run back in and hide. Do what I first mentioned because you can do this.

Many things cause us to be anxious and lose hope for the day so I want to share this scripture with you. Matthew 6:34 (Jesus says) "Therefore do not be anxious for tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Paul in I Peter also tells us what to do with the anxiety. I Peter 5:7 "Casting all your anxiety upon Him, because He cares for you".

Have a great day. Taking a deep breath, add a smile to your face and do what you need to get done. You got this.

STRESS

    I was asked to write about stress. When I think about stress I think about my good friend. She went to the hospital for chest pain, no heart attack the doctor thought it was probably stress. Solution was to cut out the stress in her life. I think the laugh we got from that comment probably did her more good than going to the hospital. So what is stress? Steve and I were talking about stress the other night and he said it is from outside sources. While on the other hand worry is from internal. That sure gave me something to think about. I went to everyone's favorite source these days to see what google had to say. The first thing I found out was it actually does comes from an outside source (he was right). For example, you might be stressed about work and the amount you have to do in a short time or other related issues with work. What about family? They can certainly add to your stress level, for various reasons. If you are in school, you might be concerned about the course load and making the grade. Once these events have passed, the job situation changes, family conditions change and the classes are complete, you will notice your stress level has decreased until something else comes up. There can be periods you might seem like the stress in your life will never end but it will pass.

             Signs you might have too much stress: depression or general unhappiness, agitation, moodiness, shortness of breath, and feeling overwhelmed. I am sure this is not all but just a few signs you could experience. There are things you can do to help get these feeling under control. First just stop take a deep breath, continue to breath slowly for a while and you should start to feel your body calming down. Evaluate the situation. Is it something you can change? If so, take the steps to change the situation. If it is something that affects you but you cannot change, release that into the proper hands and refuse to carry the extra stress. That is not always easy but when you master it, your stress level will decrease. Find some type of exercise. My son is a runner and he says it really cuts down on his stress level. I know that taking a good walk, breathing in the good fresh air helps the mind and body to relax and gives me a new focus on things. I must confess I don't do it near enough. I know when I do it I feel less stress and when I get home I feel like I can handle things much better. Things will come up so you need to find a way of releasing the stress that you face. Or you might be like my friend facing a doctor that is telling you the same thing.

            I know I mentioned worry so I should at least say something about it. Worry can be triggered by stress but keeps hanging around. They both have many of the same signs. But according to the National Institute of Health's U.S. National Library of Medicine "there is one telltale symptom that signals anxiety (worry) and only anxiety: a persistent feeling of apprehension or dread." Try very hard to get your stress under control before it becomes full blown worry and cause a serious problem.

            Other tips to help manage and reduce your stress level: avoid caffeine, physical activities, get more sleep, try relaxation techniques, talk to someone, keep a stress diary, manage your time and take control of your situation. They sound easy right? So we should have no more trouble with stress. I know you are about ready to throw your computer or phone at me because you don't think it sounds that easy and I don't know what stress you have to deal with. I know but you also don't know if any of these will work until you give them a try. You need to do it more than one time to honestly say if it works. I think you will find with practice you will find the thing that fits you the best. Then practice until it becomes a regular habit. One that will greatly improve your life and attitude.

            Also, I would suggest that you focus on God more. Make the situation a matter of prayer for guidance, then follow the guidance God gives. I Peter 5:7 'Casting all your anxiety upon Him, because He cares for you." I will being praying for you my reader that your days will be less stressful and God's peace will fill your day. Have a great day.

LOVE YOU DEAR

I have lost someone very dear to me

I wonder how am I going to keep on moving

My sleep is taken from me and replaced with you

I wake thinking I cannot move from this spot

But I slowly drag myself out of bed

Place my feet on the floor and begin my day

Another day of missing you and loneliness

I get ready for work wishing I could talk to you

My steps are not fast but at least I move

I long to hear your voice, see your smile, feel your hug

Those days are no longer going to be

I'm not sure I can handle what live is now

I don't know that I want to really go on

Losing you is just so very hard, my heart breaks

I push on because I must, I must keep going

People smile at me as they pass

I smile back but they don't know how I cry inside

My heart is broken, life will never be the same

Time has passed since I last laid eyes on you

Many days I cry inside because I still miss you

I have learned to keep pushing in spite of my loss

No one will ever replace you my dear

There is only one you so special and precious

Forever you will have a piece of my heart

I celebrate our time together and rejoice

I smile at the mention of your name

I am a very privileged person to have known you

I am a better person because of you my dear

I will live my life to its fullest knowing you see

Knowing you would be a big part if you were here

And knowing that love continues in spite of separation

Dear love rest in peace and love

We will be rejoined sometime in the future

But now I will live with a little less sun shine

But a smile none the less because I look for the reunion

Love you from the bottom of my heart

I'm sending you an enormous hug and big kiss

To hold you until we meet again. LOVE YOU DEAR

GRIEF

I just wrote about loss and I thought the next step is grief. At the end of the article on loss I gave a couple of suggestions you can do in helping deal with said loss but in no way do I think it will take the total grief away. Before I begin first I looked up the word grief to see what good Mr. Webster has to say, "deep and poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement".  I looked in the thesaurus to see what other word could be used for poignant that would help the meaning become more alive. There are a number of words but the one I find that describes the loss of a loved one is 'heartbreaking'. Breaking of one's heart is really what happens at the time of a loved ones passing. We hold our deep feelings in our heart. How many time have you said "I love you with all my heart"? I know I have said that little phrase more than once. When I say it I want the person to know I love
them greatly. So when a dear loved one passes it breaks our heart. We long for them to be back. We have a deep pain that no one can really touch. Other people will have their own pain. I find myself unhappy, miserable, the sorrow is great and the feeling of woe is on me and takes over. The grieving has become full blown. The period of grieving has begun. How long is this period? Maybe you could answer that for me. I cannot tell you it will only last for a week, a month or even a year, it will last as long as it needs to. But the key is not to wallow in the loss and lose sight of the living. You have a life here and now. You have people that are still here that love you and need you. I know it doesn't feel like it because all feels lost. That does not mean others replace the one love you just lost but they need you. When the person was living you loved more than just them so in their passing you don't stop loving others in your life. Sometimes our behavior is read by others that we have stopped loving them when we get so overwhelmed with the grieving we stop living as we should. We are on a shutdown mode to everything around us. I have never lost a child or spouse but I have others that have for a time they lose sight of everyone around them. I have seen the great pain and loss in their eyes that goes deeper than one can explain. If that is you I understand the loss is great but allow someone to help you the best they can. For any loss try these things to help you get to through the days of your grief. Find that good friend that you can cry on their shoulder or that will just sit with you in silence. Think about making a quit or pillow out of pieces of their clothing to help with the visual part of the healing. Write about how deep you feel the loss. Write about the things you think no one will understand. No one really knows your hurt like you. But do keep in mind that when a person says they understand they are trying to help in a hurting situation. Remember everyone has grieved or will we should love and grow from each other's experience. We need each other. Grieve as you must, hold onto anything of theirs that helps, move at your pace but don't shut out the rest of the world. Allow God to help heal your broken heart. Psalms 147:7a "He heals the brokenhearted" Except the help of others and God during your grieving. Have a great day.  

LOSS

I have been trying to write on the topic of losing someone and have found it hard to put my thoughts in words. I have decided I should write about how losing someone has affected me. I know it affects all of us in different ways but I think that the general feeling is the same. I have lost people in my life that I was not really close to, that could even be a family member. When that happens I have a feeling of lose but not a real big void. If it is family it might appear that I could care less. But the truth is there is still a spot that only they will have and there are times that it aches because I can no longer visit with them. But the people that I hold very dear to my heart when they pass away it leaves me with a lot of different feelings which cause more emotions. The loss is greater the vacuum seems to be humongous. It seems that I will never recover. I am reminded of the time I got the phone call telling me of my sister-in-law's death, she was like a dear sister. It was unexpected and I was in total shock. I think anytime a person dies unexpectedly it is a shock. I handed the phone back to my younger sister without a word and fell on the bed where I stayed for a while. I hardly spoke to anyone for at least three days. When I got back home after the memorial service I still had very few words. My heart was full of the pain from the loss. I have reached for the phone a number of times to call her but realized that I would never be able to tell her anything again except in my mind and heart. Then the tears began to flow. Loss is hard, even harder when we love deeply. What do we do with all of this sorrow? I guess that is the big question. Do we not love? Not at all or we would miss a lot of great blessings. We would also miss the great fellowship with some wonderful people. I'm not sure there is one correct way to handle loss since every human is different but there are some things I think are helpful.  First of all we must remember that they will always be with us, in our heart. No matter what happens we are able to carry them in there and treasure every memory we have of them. Also it is okay to cry even years after the fact just because you still miss them. Something might come up that makes you think of that person and tears might just roll down your face because you still carry that love. You also might find yourself laughing because something was said or done that made you think of something funny that the two of you shared. Another great idea I've heard of is taking some of their clothes and making quits or pillows as a way of keeping them close and a great visual memory. You can hug it as if to hug them. We all have people we love and cherish. That does not have to end because they no longer walk on this earth. Honor their memory by living your life to the fullest and celebrating their life. I am sure that is what your dear loved ones would want for you. I know that is what my sister-in-law would want for me. Eleven years after her death I still think of her often and wish I could talk to her and sometimes I do in my mind and heart. I am reminded that while she was here she lived her life to its fullest and she would expect me to do the same, she would not expect me to stop doing the things that made me happy and fulfilled. Psalms 147:3a says "He heals the brokenhearted" allow God to heal the brokenness of your heart at the loss of your loved one so you can live the full life He has ahead for you. May God richly bless your days with His rest and comfort.