GRIEF

I just wrote about loss and I thought the next step is grief. At the end of the article on loss I gave a couple of suggestions you can do in helping deal with said loss but in no way do I think it will take the total grief away. Before I begin first I looked up the word grief to see what good Mr. Webster has to say, "deep and poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement".  I looked in the thesaurus to see what other word could be used for poignant that would help the meaning become more alive. There are a number of words but the one I find that describes the loss of a loved one is 'heartbreaking'. Breaking of one's heart is really what happens at the time of a loved ones passing. We hold our deep feelings in our heart. How many time have you said "I love you with all my heart"? I know I have said that little phrase more than once. When I say it I want the person to know I love
them greatly. So when a dear loved one passes it breaks our heart. We long for them to be back. We have a deep pain that no one can really touch. Other people will have their own pain. I find myself unhappy, miserable, the sorrow is great and the feeling of woe is on me and takes over. The grieving has become full blown. The period of grieving has begun. How long is this period? Maybe you could answer that for me. I cannot tell you it will only last for a week, a month or even a year, it will last as long as it needs to. But the key is not to wallow in the loss and lose sight of the living. You have a life here and now. You have people that are still here that love you and need you. I know it doesn't feel like it because all feels lost. That does not mean others replace the one love you just lost but they need you. When the person was living you loved more than just them so in their passing you don't stop loving others in your life. Sometimes our behavior is read by others that we have stopped loving them when we get so overwhelmed with the grieving we stop living as we should. We are on a shutdown mode to everything around us. I have never lost a child or spouse but I have others that have for a time they lose sight of everyone around them. I have seen the great pain and loss in their eyes that goes deeper than one can explain. If that is you I understand the loss is great but allow someone to help you the best they can. For any loss try these things to help you get to through the days of your grief. Find that good friend that you can cry on their shoulder or that will just sit with you in silence. Think about making a quit or pillow out of pieces of their clothing to help with the visual part of the healing. Write about how deep you feel the loss. Write about the things you think no one will understand. No one really knows your hurt like you. But do keep in mind that when a person says they understand they are trying to help in a hurting situation. Remember everyone has grieved or will we should love and grow from each other's experience. We need each other. Grieve as you must, hold onto anything of theirs that helps, move at your pace but don't shut out the rest of the world. Allow God to help heal your broken heart. Psalms 147:7a "He heals the brokenhearted" Except the help of others and God during your grieving. Have a great day.  

LOSS

I have been trying to write on the topic of losing someone and have found it hard to put my thoughts in words. I have decided I should write about how losing someone has affected me. I know it affects all of us in different ways but I think that the general feeling is the same. I have lost people in my life that I was not really close to, that could even be a family member. When that happens I have a feeling of lose but not a real big void. If it is family it might appear that I could care less. But the truth is there is still a spot that only they will have and there are times that it aches because I can no longer visit with them. But the people that I hold very dear to my heart when they pass away it leaves me with a lot of different feelings which cause more emotions. The loss is greater the vacuum seems to be humongous. It seems that I will never recover. I am reminded of the time I got the phone call telling me of my sister-in-law's death, she was like a dear sister. It was unexpected and I was in total shock. I think anytime a person dies unexpectedly it is a shock. I handed the phone back to my younger sister without a word and fell on the bed where I stayed for a while. I hardly spoke to anyone for at least three days. When I got back home after the memorial service I still had very few words. My heart was full of the pain from the loss. I have reached for the phone a number of times to call her but realized that I would never be able to tell her anything again except in my mind and heart. Then the tears began to flow. Loss is hard, even harder when we love deeply. What do we do with all of this sorrow? I guess that is the big question. Do we not love? Not at all or we would miss a lot of great blessings. We would also miss the great fellowship with some wonderful people. I'm not sure there is one correct way to handle loss since every human is different but there are some things I think are helpful.  First of all we must remember that they will always be with us, in our heart. No matter what happens we are able to carry them in there and treasure every memory we have of them. Also it is okay to cry even years after the fact just because you still miss them. Something might come up that makes you think of that person and tears might just roll down your face because you still carry that love. You also might find yourself laughing because something was said or done that made you think of something funny that the two of you shared. Another great idea I've heard of is taking some of their clothes and making quits or pillows as a way of keeping them close and a great visual memory. You can hug it as if to hug them. We all have people we love and cherish. That does not have to end because they no longer walk on this earth. Honor their memory by living your life to the fullest and celebrating their life. I am sure that is what your dear loved ones would want for you. I know that is what my sister-in-law would want for me. Eleven years after her death I still think of her often and wish I could talk to her and sometimes I do in my mind and heart. I am reminded that while she was here she lived her life to its fullest and she would expect me to do the same, she would not expect me to stop doing the things that made me happy and fulfilled. Psalms 147:3a says "He heals the brokenhearted" allow God to heal the brokenness of your heart at the loss of your loved one so you can live the full life He has ahead for you. May God richly bless your days with His rest and comfort.

The walls came tumbling down.

When you live your life with walls built around you how do you get them down or can you? I know that the walls I had built around me were thick with a very little door. Not too many people could enter through that door because it was camouflaged to match the wall. Also it was not just a single door but a series of doors that lead to the inner chambers of who I am. The vines, from the tall grass that grew up around me as protection, would almost choke the very breath from me when I thought someone was getting to close. When I thought people might be getting in the big what if game began: what if they find out who I really am and don't like me, what if I disappoint them, what if I don't measure up to everything they think I should be and the what ifs go on. This helped the wall to stand firm and strong for many years. Then God brought the man of my dreams along and the walls began to crumble. God has helped those walls to keep on falling. Steve has had to smash down his share of the walls that has keep blocking our relationship from time to time. It has not been a quick tumble but a gradual falling as we have chiseled away at the thick old wall that has stood so firm for so long. The wall served its purpose of protection but now it is not need. Do you have an old wall built around your life that you do not need any longer? You have tried to remove it to no avail don't get discouraged most likely won't tumble down in a day. Keep chiseling at it. It will topple over in time. From time to time I still feel those walls getting rebuilt but I have to turn the whole thing over to God again and allow Him to keep them down. If we allow walls to keep us isolated than we will not be able to be all we are meant to be. Join me in knocking down the walls that hide us from others. Let us allow our light to shine for God and what He can do in our lives. Have a great day chiseling at your wall.  

It's time to clean out the refrigerator.

    Have you ever cleaned out your refrigerator and found an unknown container in the very back? Then it hit you it was your favorite food that was left over, you put it in the back so you would be sure to be the one that got to finish eating it. It long had left your mind with the busy days and many other meals that had to be prepared. Now there it sits with a smell totally not the one that made it so dear to your taste buds.  Matter of fact you don't even want to touch the container. You carefully pull it out of the frig and throw it away. You hold your nose from the awful smell while you check to make sure it is the only contain of its kind lurking in the back. Relieved to find it was only one of a kind you quickly tie the thrash bag and put it out to the curve.

    Have you ever felt that your own life is a smelly mess? You have allowed things to come into your mind and heart thinking it will not hurt, but it becomes smelly. When it first entered it was a little wrong deed or bad word then they began to grow. A film covered it so it did not look bad but all around you people began to smell the odor. People began to think what happened to that nice sweet person. Some people stayed away because they were tired of being treated bad or the words you choose were offensive. Your eyes are opened and now you can smell the odor that is driving friends away. What are you going to do? My suggestion is that you bag up all the stinky actions and words and throw them away. It might take a few trips to the curve and double bagging but it can be done. Refresh your life with some good old fashion values: respect for others, kind actions even when sometimes you'd like to do the other, a kind smile and words that are uplifting instead of degrading. Follow the golden rule "do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

    I know not everyone follows it but you are only responsible for what you do. I am only responsible for me. Will we slip and fall sometimes? Yes, we are only human and it will happen. It is not always easy to hold our tongue when someone is mean to us. But the key is to keep trying to be the best you possible. I try to keep my life fresh from the garbage of life. I challenge you to do the same. Have a great day keeping your life fresh.

I need off this merry-go-round!!!

There are days it seems like I get nothing done. I get plenty tired but don't accomplish much. I hop from one thing to another in which case nothing gets finished but everything has a start. I think the problem is I'm running around in circles. It's like riding a merry-go-round, where you spend a lot of time going around but when you stop you have really not gone anyplace. You get off and you are right where you started just feeling dizzy from the ride. I'm ready to stop the merry-go-round syndrome. But how do I stop it? The first thing I guess I should do is make a list for my day or week if it's a big project. I always do better when I have direction for my day. Also set how long it will take to complete each project. Which will help me decide if it is a day or week project. If it is a week put down how long each day I need to spend for the completion to be accomplish. Which will give me a feeling that I can do this. When each task is completed mark it off the list, which gives me a feeling of accomplishment. At the end of the day see what I have accomplished, then rejoice in a job well done. At the end of the week pull out all list sit back and be proud of all my achievements. The merry-go-round has stopped.  This is great now all I have to do is follow said plan. Join me if you find yourself stuck on the merry-go-round that your days have. I'd love to hear how it works for you. Have a great time putting on the brakes to your merry-go-round.

Who holds your Heart?

            I had a very eventful vacation this year. We were able to visit each son and spend time with them and their families. Then we spent the biggest part of our time with dear friends. Our three granddaughters went with us to our friends while their dad was working or so that was the plan. The first night we were at our friends we had to make a grocery run, of course. On the way back to the house I began to have pain in my chest and down my whole left side. By the time we got to the house I could hardly walk. I got out of the car and sat down on the ground before I could ever reach the door of the house. When I was able to walk with the assistance of my husband I reached the house. I laid down on the bed, just saying I needed to rest. I just kept rubbing that side. The pain was not leaving. Our friends called a nearby EMT that came over and decided that with all the signs, possible heart attack, I should definitely go to the hospital. That was not where I wanted to spend any of my vacation. We got back in the car and off we went. I believe that my husband should have his pilot licenses to even operate a car because I am sure he was flying. The ER doctor confirmed our fears and kept me overnight for observation and future test. He did not see any damage to the heart. I was released at that information. Other tests were done the next day and all went well. After all checked out I was given instructions to follow up with the doctor at home. We went back to our friends' house and enjoyed the rest of our week. FYI I have a follow up appointment this week with the specialist.

            After being home for a few days our ten year old granddaughter informed me, she and her sisters thought I was going to die. We talked about the whole situation for a while to help easy some of her fears. She then asked "were you afraid because every time I think about dying I get really afraid." I thought about that for a few moments then replied "No not at all. I had a peace because if I die I know I'll go live with God." I explained to her that I didn't always have that peace about dying. I used to be afraid and wonder what will happen to me when I die but when I asked Jesus into my heart, He gave and gives me peace. We talked for a few more minutes then I left her to her thoughts.

            I know who holds my heart that is why the fear was not there. So the question I have for you is "Who holds your heart?" It is a question you need to ask yourself before the day is too late. I would have never guessed that I would have a heart attack because I am pretty healthy but I did. We do not have the guarantee of tomorrow. The only thing we have is this very moment. How are you going to live it and who are you going to live it for? Consider carefully who you let have your heart, because that is the one that directions every decision you make.  God will calm the fear that rages inside during a difficult situation. But first you have to give Him control of your life. Do not wait too late to give your heart to Him. He is a gentleman. He is loving waiting for you to call out to Him inviting Him to hold your heart in His loving hand and guide your life. Who holds your heart?

 

GOD SPEAKS TO US

There are some things I think you need to know

I hear and feel that you are uncertain of My love

I trust these things will help you to understand My love for you

I loved taking great care to create you

I created you special, after My own image (Genesis 1:27)

You are My very own handiwork (Ephesians 2:10)

My eyes saw you while you were yet unformed (Psalm 139:16)

I made each part of you unique, with great care

You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14)

I designed you to have fellowship with Me

I gave you a free will so you could choose to love Me

I love you as a perfect Father (Luke 15: 20-24)

Not like the ones that make awful chooses

When you take Me as your perfect Father

You are no longer an orphan (John 14:18)

You become a child of God, My child (I John 3:2)

You are more valuable than many sparrows (Matthew 10:31)

And you know I love those little birds

You are the apple of My eye (Zechariah 2:8)

I get great joy in watching you grow as you follow Me

I will hold you in my hand not letting anyone snatch you out (John 10:29)

Nothing will ever separate you from My love

You can rest in Me, you are utterly secure (Romans 8:39)

I will never leave you or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5)

Come to me all of you who are weary and heavy laden

I will give you rest for your soul (Matthew 11:28-29)

Always remember you are greatly loved (Romans 5:8)

That will never change!!!